


The Care and Keeping of Humans (And Also Maybe a Miracle)

by soaring_bean



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Halloween, Multi, POV Chloe, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 04:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21265406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soaring_bean/pseuds/soaring_bean
Summary: An exploration of the ways that Chloe discovers The Devil's demonstrable side for his most favorite humans





	The Care and Keeping of Humans (And Also Maybe a Miracle)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lucks_eterna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucks_eterna/gifts).

> For @lucks-eterna, who prompted:
> 
> "That’s not who you are, Lucifer" // "how do you know who I am?" (Chloe and Lucifer in 4x08 Super Bad Boyfriend)

_ “How do you know who I am,” _ rattles in her ears, full of anguish and hopelessness.

Chloe can’t help but think back to happier times, like the past October, when the Devil was in peak desire-nurturing form. When things weren’t haunted by a prophecy. When they were starting a new phase of mutual understanding.

* * *

  1. ** Cavities Are A Sign Of A Good Life**

On the first workday of October, a large black bowl filled to the brim with a variety of chocolate candybars appeared in the breakroom at the precinct. Chloe figured one of the rookies might have been responsible, since the candy temptation hadn’t been present in previous years. Grabbing a bar each for Trixie and for the slightly larger child in her life, she headed back to her desk to review the newest case.

Later in the day, as she popped by Dan’s desk to see if he’d had better luck on their active case, she was impressed but not surprised to see a sizeable quantity of empty 3 Musketeers wrappers in his trashcan. She felt a brief squeeze of nostalgia for previous Halloweens, when Trixie would slyly give Dan this particular candy bar in exchange for things like a later bedtime.

Mysteriously, more 3 Musketeers bars were replenished each morning, as if filled by a sugared-up fairy godmother. By Thursday, the bowl was almost entirely 3 Musketeers, and still filled to the brim. It was as if the restocker was now only adding that particular bar, with a preference to rival Dan’s.

Leave it to a staff of investigators to find the provider of chocolate temptation. One of the brunettes on staff approached Lucifer later in the day, with a candy bar in hand. “Are you trying to fatten us all up for Halloween with the candy, Morningstar?” she asked as she waved the bar in what could have been a threat.

“My dear Cucuzza, I am _ quite _ fond of gluttony, as you know. Speaking of—have there been any recent—” 

With that, Chloe turned on her heel, deliberately marching away from whatever arrangements were about to be made, as she so very much did not want to know. But she would be lying if she denied all amusement from the fact that The Devil was giving the LAPD halloween candy.

  1. ** The Pumpkin Queen**

On the first Friday in October, Lucifer strolled up to Chloe’s desk right as Dan left in a huff—it was so perfectly timed, Chloe was fairly certain Lucifer was specifically waiting for her ex to leave.

“While I am glad that Detective Douche made himself scarce, I do regret that he seems to have made you upset. I do believe that is _ my _ chief responsibility at this point,” remarked Lucifer with a wistful sadness. “Does he have a lead on the case?”

“No, it’s not about work. We don’t have any new leads, but we’re waiting on Ella for analysis on the material and hair from underneath the victim’s fingernails.”

“Then what did Daniel want?”

“More like what responsibilities does Dan want to drop. I get it, he’s grieving Charlotte and that will never be easy. But he promised Trixie they’d decorate his place this weekend. She’d been looking forward to the Halloween decorations,” Chloe said while frowning.

“Well then, he’s taking after Dear Old Dad in the ‘reneging on their deals’ department.”  
“It’s not like that, -” started Chloe before Lucifer soldiered on.

“Well, the lack of a front yard may be a difficulty, but I don’t see why we couldn’t at least carve some pumpkins.” 

“We? You?” Chloe spluttered as her brain failed to compute why Lucifer would willingly subject himself to such messiness & filth & contamination. “With pumpkin innards all on you? Now this I’d love to see.”

And so, the first weekend in October, Chloe found herself at her kitchen table, which was entirely covered in old newspaper. Lucifer had rolled the sleeves of his button-down up to his elbows. Though he wouldn’t be caught dead in a T-shirt, Chloe thought, she was glad he’d at least opted to keep his shirt on. He also came prepared with a red apron for himself, and disposable rubber gloves. She told herself she really wasn’t going to pry into why he had those on-hand. Chloe was somewhat surprised yet relieved that Maze wasn’t here, though if that was intentional on Lucifer’s part or not, she couldn’t tell.

On the table, three uncarved pumpkins sat, with pencils, sharpies, and several bottles of glitter glue.

“Hello, Offspring,” said Lucifer as she and Dan entered the front door. “Your mother tells me you desire proper decorations. Shall we carve a pumpkin with a hell-forged blade?” he cheekily asked as he held one of Maze’s knives, with the handle out for Trixie to grab.

“No knives for Trixie!” yelled Dan as Chloe shouted, “Not with those!” Trixie just giggled, surveying the adults and the room with a glint in her eye.

“Very well, I thought so,” he said more to the adults than to Trixie, and Lucifer set the blade in question over on the kitchen counter. “Which is why I brought over a set of freshly-sharpened kitchen knives. Really, the duller the blade, the more dangerous they are to use,” he said, making his disdain apparent. He pulled two from the block - a small paring knife and a larger chef’s knife - and brought both back to the table.

“Whatever, man,” Daniel dismissed Lucifer, and turned to Chloe, the one noted responsible adult in the room. “Keep her safe,” he said earnestly, gave Trixie a kiss on the head, and then left the pumpkin-carving party.

Lucifer turned to Trixie, handed her a sharpie, and said, “Alright, Beatrice, would you like to draw the lines first? And then, I’ll score along your drawn lines, to make it a bit safer. Finally, we’ll make the deeper cuts together. Is that acceptable, Detective?” he asked as he turned back to Chloe.

She looked between Lucifer, and Trixie. The latter had such hesitant, restrained glee on her face. Lucifer, on the other hand, looked much more exasperated, as was a common when bristling up against her overbearing but understandable need for complete risk avoidance where Trixie was concerned.

“We’ll see how it goes,” she said.

By the end of the evening, three carved pumpkins graced their entryway. And who’s to know that prior to carving, Lucifer spent hours watching online videos to perfect his craft, and hours more re-honing his skill with knives.

  1. ** In defense of PSLs**

On the morning—well, with Lucifer’s timeline, it was closer to noon—after a particularly late evening handling a particularly gruesome homicide scene, Lucifer showed up with two cups of caffeinated beverages in hand. He swiftly set one on Chloe’s desk without so much as a hello, and sped on to the Lab. Chloe grabbed the cup (an almond milk latte with sugar-free caramel drizzle, like always), and followed Lucifer’s fast-retreating form.

As Lucifer opened the door, Ella swivelled in her chair, looking worse for wear. “Apologies for the tardiness, Miss Lopez, but I did bring the Pumpkin Spiced Latte, as promised,” said Lucifer as he handed the second cup to Ella.

Ella clutched the beverage with both hands, slowly inhaling the scent. “Thanks, dude.” She took several slow sips before visibly straightening herself up. “But after last night, I probably will never drink another of Patrick’s Pumpkin Spiked Lattes. Just the caffeinated, non-alcoholic version for me from here on out.”

Lucifer grinned, clearly not apologetic in the least. He said, “It was the most enjoyable evening I’ve had at Lux in quite a while.”

“Is it ‘cause I basically yelled at that dude?” asked Ella

“Quite frankly if you had not, I most certainly would have. Your drink preferences, basic or not, are none of his concern.”

“Yeah, after everything, it just felt good to defend myself. And I hope all his future coffee tastes burnt and muddy.” Ella glanced over at Chloe, as if registering her presence for the first time. Waving her beverage in acknowledgement, Ella took another hearty swig, and sighed. “Cheers to drinks that taste like comfort in a cup, and forget the haters.”

Chloe felt like she didn’t fully understand what was going on, or what had happened the previous night, but she nodded along in sympathy. She certainly had had her share of men imposing their opinions on her life.

Lucifer regarded Ella oncemore, and gained a more serious air. His casual slouch morphed into an almost protective lean. “You should never be made to feel that you have to defend your preferences, guilty pleasures or otherwise, least not to me.”

For a moment, Ella stared, transfixed, before lunging into a hug. How she managed to not spill a drop of her drink was a true miracle, Chloe thought. And if Lucifer was startled by Ella’s sudden exuberance, he made no sign.

  1. ** Praising the Doe-Eyed Brunette**

On an otherwise uneventful workday in mid-October, Chloe and Lucifer stayed at their desk late into the evening, pouring over files and scattered leads. The office was mostly empty of the dayshift, and the night shift hadn’t yet arrived in full force.

Lucifer’s phone went off, breaking the otherwise eerie stillness of the precinct, and he immediately stepped away from the scene to answer. He was a highly-distractible Devil, Chloe thought with chagrin.

“Hello, Eve, What’s -” He paused as Eve clearly launched into a monologue, and Chloe noted Lucifer’s face immediately transformed from mild annoyance to a concerning menace. “No, that’s absolutely not true. I can imagine no other who would rival your hostessing talents. Ah, take a deep breath for me.” After a beat, he continued, “If their participation in our next party is contingent on you simply spectating, then I will let them know that they are no longer welcome. Are they still there?” 

Lucifer paused for Eve’s confirmation. 

“Put it on speaker phone, dear,” said Lucifer, and paused oncemore. “Greg and Cory, how _ dare _ you even whisper that Eve is only worthy of your time if I am present. She is a remarkably accepting, bacchant, unforgettable individual. You have squandered her vibrance, in what appears to be a twisted attempt to manipulate me.” By now, Lucifer’s face was a full snarl, spitting out his words with such vitriol that Chloe had a slight concern that his devil face would reappear. After all, she was still not really sure how these things worked. Lucifer continued, “I hereby disinvite you from all future gatherings, and if I ever see you again, there will quite literally be hell to pay. Leave our penthouse now, before my security team arrives to escort you out. I can assure you that they have the unpleasant form of handcuffs.” 

Chloe watched as Lucifer mashed his finger on the red “end call” button, and promptly dialed another number.

When the other person picked up, Lucifer launched into orders. “There are two guests in my flat who need to be removed immediately. Eve will know which two. After they’re out, lock the elevator and see if Eve needs anything that you can provide.” 

Lucifer waited for the person on the other end to respond. 

“Yes. I’ll be there as swiftly as I can,” said Lucifer as he hung up the phone.

Lucifer took a moment to compose his features, for which Chloe was greatly appreciative. He approached their desk, and said, “Apologies, Detective, but—” while she simultaneously urged, “Go.”

Lucifer nodded curtly, turned around, and left Chloe to wrap up their investigation for the day.

  1. ** The More, The Merrier**

On the Monday before Halloween, Chloe found Lucifer and a recently-transferred officer in the breakroom, discussing plans for the holiday. Officer Jeffrey Lee was grinding some beans for a fresh pot of coffee while Lucifer leaned on the counter by his candy bowl.

“I myself don’t really have much planned, honestly. Ever since Brenda took the kids in the divorce, Halloween’s just not the same,” said Lee. Chloe paused outside the breakroom. She hadn’t even known Lee had kids. Hazard of being disliked by more than half of the department, between Palmetto and the Pierce incidents, she thought. “And this guy I’ve been seeing, he said he was taking a work trip but I haven’t heard from him in weeks.”

“Mmm, men, am I right?” Lucifer offered sympathetically as Lee nodded along in apparent misery. In an attempt to lighten the mood, he quipped, “I understand it may be approaching Halloween, but there’s certainly no need for ghosting.”

Lee didn’t look up from the coffee maker, and it appeared he appreciated Lucifer’s sense of humor less than Chloe did.

After a brief pause and a thoughtful sigh, Lucifer added, “Well say no more, it would not do for you to be home alone for your first so-called Gay Christmas. Not that the real celebration for my half-brother’s birthday is worth bothering with.” Lucifer paused to glare at the ceiling. “But do come to Lux, we’re throwing our annual cardinal sins party. Tell the bouncers and bar staff that I sent you on behalf of the head bartender. They’ll know what to do.”

Lee looked up from the gurgling coffeemaker, seemingly oblivious to the idea that Lucifer would set him up with Maze. Chloe herself was a bit incredulous, but her confusion was interrupted as Lee said, “I don’t even have a good solo costume though, and Brenda’s the one who used to do all that stuff. D'you think I can still get a costume this late?”

“While I am sure you could still find a quality outfit, Jeffrey, I was imagining you’d wear this delightful uniform as your costume,” said Lucifer as he gestured towards Lee’s torso, “though lose the LAPD-issued cuffs. Do you really have no idea how many have a bit of a cop kink?”

Chloe was now full-on incredulous: “Maze?”

Lucifer burst into infectious laughter. “No, certainly not Mazikeen, oh dear,” he said, gasping for breath between laughs. “Our little in-joke, we call Patrick the head bartender because he quite enjoys giving h—”

“Shut up,” exclaimed Chloe, “we are at work!” She felt the flush on her face as she futilely fought to keep the conversation safe for work. She locked eyes with a fully mortified Lee, who seemed to belatedly realize Chloe had been present for more of the conversation than he’d realized.

“Well, Lucifer, thank you for the invite. I’ll, uh, see you there,” said Lee hurriedly and he nearly fled the breakroom.

Chloe realized that, after all that work, Lee didn’t even get himself more coffee. “What was that all about?” asked Chloe as she refilled her coffee mug.

“Ah, I made a deal with Patrick, playing a bit of a matchmaker.” And that was that.

Though Chloe did catch Lucifer later chuckling to himself, muttering, “Maze.”

**+1. Gifts from the Heart (and that little shop on the far side of town)**

On the afternoon of Halloween, Chloe arrived at her apartment to find a suspicious package on her front step. Not only was the midsized package itself unexpected (Chloe was certainly not the type to drunk-purchase things online under normal circumstances), but also it was shocking that the box hadn’t been swiped already, what with so many people out-and-about for early trick-or-treating. 

Thinking of Marco Franklin and the recent bomb incident, Chloe carefully visually inspected the package before determining that there was a low likelihood that this was dangerous. A more reasonable explanation was that Mom had ordered something online while traveling, and shipped it here for her to babysit. And then forgotten to even tell Chloe.

Picking up the box, she opened the front door, and set all her things down on the kitchen counter. She had half a mind to text her mother about the package, but curiosity coupled with her generally unresponsive mother had her reaching for scissors to open the box without further delay.

Inside the box, a small printed sheet of paper read:

> A gift from: LUCIFER
> 
> I know it’s Halloween, dear, but I figured you didn’t want real blood to complement whatever frightful costume you might throw together to acquire candy with Beatrice. Since not even my cobbler could remove the memory of blood, muck, and filth from your beloved but broken boots, and since I knew you’d refuse an upgrade to any higher-quality shoe, I ordered you an identical pair.

Chloe set the note on the table, and reached for the shoebox within the larger cardboard box. Sure enough, the boots were the exact same as the ones now in the trashcan outside; she hadn’t even worn them inside last night, opting instead to throw them in the bin before Trixie could note the blood and other horrors on those shoes. A long chase was the result of nearly catching the killer literally red-handed after he had brutally gutted his last victim. Chloe had to suppress the memories of the crime scenes, but was thankful to Lucifer for eventually catching the murderer.

_ Thanks for the shoes_ she texted him._  
_

_ Happy Halloween, Detective _ was the near-immediate response. Chloe smiled at her phone, then set it aside to prepare the candy bowl for Trixie’s impending arrival.

* * *

With these in mind, Chloe knew Lucifer couldn’t possibly be a bad, inattentive boyfriend, even if he tried. His desire to meet—well—_desires _ was too ingrained, too core to his being. Maybe unexpected, coming from the devil, but not from the Lucifer she knew and—

...

** _Shit._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween, Ghoulies!


End file.
